Hair today... gone tomorrow?

Ok, so this post is all about hair, or the lack of it! I have been losing my hair like crazy this past month. It is actually driving me mad. Every time I pull another loose hair off my shirt, or every time I clean out my hairbrush, or clean the shower drain (which is every time I take a shower) I get a little more depressed. At first it was maybe 5 strands a week.. now its more like 10 strands a DAY! At this rate I am going to be bald by New Years!

I've seriously considered cutting my hair, to try to help. It is getting SO THIN, and it was already fine/thin to begin with. When I wear my hair straight, I have no volume. It just forms to my head. The only issues I have with cutting my hair is 1.) I really dont want to and 2.) IDK if it will help. I have only had short hair once in my entire life. I cut it off back in 2008 to donate to Locks Of Love, and I have been growing it out since then. I did love my hair when it was short. It was a nice change. I'm just afraid I wont have the same results as I did with it then, since it is thinning now.

Here are some pictures of me, back when I had my short hair and how horrible it looked over Christmas. I just hope I can make a decision before I lose all my hair!!!

4 Month Update

Hi all!

I hope everyone is having a Happy December!!! I know I sure have been (knock on wood!) On Saturday I will be 4 months post-op, and I honestly have to say, I am the happiest I have been in a LONG time! I feel so much better, I feel as though I look better, I know I've done wonders for my health, I have such a positive outlook on life. This surgery has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. If anyone out there is on the fence about surgery, DO IT!!!! Life is too short to waste another day being unhappy or unhealthy. Granted, I have a long way to go before I am at goal, but getting there is so much fun!

Now for some statistics... I am 16 weeks post op, and minus 70lbs. That's right folks, I am weighing in at 262!!! I am halfway to my goal weight of 190lbs. Honestly I will be happy with anything under 200. I hope to lose the other 70lbs over the next 8 months (I know WL will slow down) and when I get down to 190 & 1 year post-op I plan on making babies! lol

Here are some pictures from this weekend's trip to Dollywood & a profile shot of me last week. I am in the black jacket, which, I'd like to add, is a men's XL. :-D

3 Month Update

Hi Y'all!

Month 3 has been pretty good to me. I am weighing in at 267, so I am -64lbs and feeling GREAT! At 265.5 I will officially be 1/2 way to my goal weight of 190!!! That is so exciting! I'm wearing size 22 pants and 2x tops comfortably. All my old clothes are starting to hang off me. In fact, I've boxed up most of them and got them ready to yard sale this spring.

Last Friday I went to the movies to see Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part 1, and I actually fit in the seats comfortably! It was a little snug since I was sitting by my friend who is the same weight/build I am. It was a world of difference from the last movie I went and saw, which was sometime in the summer when I was at my heaviest. At the movies I snuck in my own water bottle (they charge $4 for a 20oz Dasani!) and bought a small popcorn, thinking I would probably be able to eat most of it. NOPE!!! I actually ate so little of it, I couldn't successfully "roll up" the bag to keep it from spilling over when I sat it on the ground! Normally I would have polished off a large popcorn and coke AFTER stopping for some dinner. I hadn't even ate supper before HP7, and needless to say I didn't after either! Another miraculous thing happened: when the movie was over, I threw away the uneaten popcorn. Before VSG I would have took it home (if there had been any left) and ate the stale leftovers.

So to sum up, in month 3 my mind is starting to catch up with my body. I feel like I am getting more "in tune" with my Sleeve, and interpreting its signals better.

Hope everyone has a Happy Turkey Day!!! Good luck to all those celebrating their 1st Thanksgiving with WLS (myself included)!

More 2 Month Pictures & Bucket List Experience

I know I've already posted a 2 month update, but I hadn't taken any "body shots" to show my progress. Well fret no more my friends! Below are my two month pictures. I am currently -54lbs and finally starting to be able to tell it.





I also accomplished something off my bucket list this weekend! We went to Dollywood and I was able to ride a roller coaster!!! It was so much fun. I was in heaven! It was a pretty tight fit, but I fit, and that is all that matters! I can't wait to go back in a few months for their Christmas celebration and ride them again!

Down 50lbs! (2 Month Update)

I weighed in this morning at 281.8! I am officially minus 50lbs (25 since surgery)!!! Granted I will probably gain back the .2lb sometime during the day, but it was nice to know that I am here!

I have to say, I am a little disappointed because I thought my weight loss would be faster. I guess everyone loses different and I shouldn't worry about keeping up with everyone else. When I take away the 20lbs that I lost before surgery, my total is only 30lbs lost, which doesn't seem like much when you take into account that I had surgery on 8/18. So 2 months and only 30lbs down...

Anyway, I'm trying to stay positive about all this, and I have been working out more and trying not to snack. Next Thursday is my and Ryan's 4 year anniversary and we have a cabin booked up in the mountains for the weekend. I am really excited about that because I haven't had a vacation (excluding time off for my surgery) since June 2008!

I also want to give a shout-out "Happy Anniversary" to my girl Libby and her hubby. They got married the same day as me and Ryan. Happy Anniversary you guys!

Hunger Rears Its Ugly Head

Ramblings from my mind:

So I am 7 weeks out today, and I feel like I'm taking a step backwards. I'm not sure what is going on in my brain, but it isn't good. My brain is constantly saying "I'm hungry, I'm hungry." and I know it's physically impossible for me to be hungry 1-2 hrs after a meal. I find that I am snacking (sometimes on bad things) in between meals, and as a result my weight loss has slowed considerably. If I try to ignore it, it is like someone SCREAMING in my ear that I am hungry. I cannot focus on anything else, whether it be at work, or at home.

For example, last night I went with a friend to the Mexican restaurant. I ended up eating too fast and had to purge up my food. Well, about an hour later we were shopping, and no matter what I did, I couldn't stop thinking about my leftovers in the car. My friend would be talking to me, but I would be standing there thinking about how I wish she would hurry up so I can go home and eat. What did I do when I got home? Ended up eating about 2oz of my leftovers.

I also haven't been exercising as much as I need to. I have been fast-pace walking on the treadmill for 20-25mins 4 times a week. I usually don't exercise on Friday, Saturday, or Sundays. I know I need to increase my time/days but I'm finding it hard to do with my schedule.

I feel like I am failing myself as well as everyone who has supported this decision. I am down to 285lbs now, and want to lose 100 more AT LEAST. I'm not going to lose 50 more with what I've been doing lately. I feel really saddened and angry at myself, and its further affecting my weight loss. I know stress isn't good for the body or the mind, and I feel like everything in my life right now is spiraling out of control.

1 Month Update

It seems unreal, but this past Saturday (9/18) was my one month surgiversary. In some ways it feels like I just had the surgery, but in others it feels like I'm 2 or 3 months out.

I'm going to keep this short and simple. I forgot to measure myself before surgery, so I have just decided not to keep up with inches.

Starting Weight - 332

Weight the day of surgery - 312

Current Weight - 288

Total Weight Loss = 44lbs

Pretty impressive huh? In all reality I have lost 24lbs since surgery, but I worked my ass off for those other 20 too, so dammit I'm counting them!

So, depending on how you want to look at this update, I have lost 24lbs in one month OR I have lost 44lbs in two months.

The Old Me Is Dead & Gone

I titled this post in honor of a T.I. song, because that is the way my life is feeling right now. I always have a song for any situation. Right now, I'm feeling like the old me is dead and gone and is never coming back.. and that is a good thing!


To elaborate, I got a new car! I traded in my 2002 Mazda Tribute with the slipping transmission for a 2010 Honda Civic and I am in love! Its like I took all my troubles with my old car and eliminated them, much like I did with my surgery. I feel like I am starting a new life, one that I am in control of finally!


Speaking of control, I AM having a difficult time with the speed of my eating. Last night I was coming home from Wal-Mart and stopped at McDonalds and got a 4pc Chicken Nugget meal. I know it wasn't a healthy choice, but it was literally the only thing open at 9:15 on a Monday night in my little 'ol town. I pulled over at a gas station and started eating my nuggets. I got down 2 1/2 before I starting feeling this weird feeling in my stomach, but what did I do? Ate the other 1/2 of the third one. (Mind you, all within a 5 min time span). Well I realized what I did and started on my way home.


About 5 miles later, I was trying to sing along in my car and I couldn't because it hurt SO bad in my throat. I knew I needed to throw up, but where? I am on a back road in the boonies! So I see a church and pulled over. I ended up hurling right there in the parking lot! And again when I got home!


So needless for me to say, my relationship with McDonalds is dead and gone! :-)

3 Weeks Out

I can't believe it, but I am already 3 weeks out from surgery. Well, technically it will be 3 weeks tomorrow, but might as well round up. Life is going pretty good. I have been in a stall for the past week, so I am sitting pretty at 294. I'm not too worried about it. I actually stopped weighing everyday. I last weighed on Sunday and it said 294. I think I am stalling because 1.) I have been eating more "solids" and 2.) Aunt Flo is in town.

All I have to say is THANK GOD I got the Sleeve, because I seriously do not know what I would do if I couldn't take NSAIDS. I have been in so much pain today, but I was under the impression I needed to wait 6 weeks before I could take any whole pills. Pre-op, I would be a Pamprin popper for the first 2 days because of the extreme pain that associates my monthly. After trying to focus at work and "ignore" the pain, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something. So I called the doctor and asked what I could do, and to my relief she said I could take some Pamprin. I told her she was my angel and popped a pill. I was a little nauseous at first, but I ate a couple of crackers and took some nausea medicine and my magic pink pill did what it does best - turned me from a raging bitch to a timid lamb.

So anyway, I'm a little bummed about not loosing weight, but I know that it's just a stall and all stalls are meant to be broken. I also haven't been very religious with my exercising so I've got to start doing that every night and I know it will help. I also got a Shake Weight for my birthday to help with my arms. It is so hard to do!!! I hope it works though, cause I hate my arms.

Well, I guess that is all for now. Until next time, IM OUT!

Comments fixed and an update

For a few weeks now I've noticed that I haven't been getting any comments on my blogs, not that I expect you guys to comment, but ya know it seemed kinda strange. Libby informs me that it wont let her comment, so I had to give up my cute birdie layouts and go back to my original. It isn't too bad, I just like changing things up. Back when Myspace was popular I changed my layout like every week! lol

Update on me: It seems that I am allergic to the steri-strips that they used to hold my cuts together! I have 6 incisions, and all 6 of them are red and bubbled up in perfect squares where the strips were. Some of them even have little blisters!!! And they ITCH like crazy. Its all I can do not to claw my skin off. I try to be good and not itch them to minimize scarring, but it is like chicken pox of the belly. I have been lathering myself in Benedryl cream for a few days now and it helps some, but my shirt rubbing against them all the time does not help!

Yesterday I went to the racetrack to cheer my brother-in-law on (haven't been since surgery) and I got sick. Not like throwing up or anything, but it was headed that way. So me and Ryan got in the truck and sat for about 30 mins in the air conditioning and it made me feel better. I also ate some pudding and it perked me back up. Thank goodness I planned ahead and brought some pudding and mashed potatoes, because I would have been in trouble with that racetrack food!

After the races everyone was hungry (except me - but I thought I was) and the only restaurant open on the way home is a Krystal (it was 1am.) Pre-op Krystal was one of my favorite places. I just loved those little steamed burgers and fries! So I was kinda nervous, being as I am on purees. (Krystal is the southern version of a White Castle)

Well dummy me thinks "Oh I'll get a Chick (little chicken sandwich) and just really chew a couple of bites of the meat. I'll also get a milkshake cause I am cleared for ice cream." I don't know what it was, but SOMETHING did not sit well. I think it was either the 2 fries I snuck, or the heavy cream on top of the shake, but it was uncomfortable. The chicken went down ok. I chewed it like 40 times to puree it in my mouth lol. I should have just stuck with the shake. Next time I will know.

I was a little bummed out that I couldn't enjoy one of my fav places, but when we got home Ryan said "You better be glad you couldn't eat that, because I feel like shit now." and he is right. I would have ate at least 4 maybe 5 Krystal's, fries, and a large coke in my previous life.

So in the end it all works out. I am happier, even if I do have to remind myself every now and then!

9 Days Out!

Hi All!!!

Well I am 9 days out from surgery and I am doing fantastic! Life is awesome, I'm feeling great and dropping lbs AS WE TYPE/READ! Ok, maybe its not that dramatic, but I have lost quite a bit of weight (or so it seems) since going under the knife. To be specific, I have lost 12lbs since August 18th, and I weighed in at the doctor today at 299.0!!!! So I am also officially <300lbs! I'll NEVER be over 2xx lbs again!!! That feeling is sooooo awesome.

As I mentioned above, I went back to the doctor today for my 1 week checkup and everything is going great. I am on the pureed stage now, and I have to admit, I am not loving it. I am struggling with protein drinks. I can't seem to find one that I like. For now I have been choking down an Isopure a day, but it's getting harder to do since my taste buds are returning and they are just plain NASTY! I swear that the Alpine Punch tastes like skunk juice. You can quote me on that!!!

The only "bad" thing that I have to talk about is my breath. OMG it is horrible!!! Has anyone else experienced this??? I am going to Google it and see what I can do about it. May have to just keep me some breath strips handy all the time, lol!

My birthday is on Saturday, the 28th. I will be 24! I can't believe it. It seems like only yesterday I was turning 18, then 21, and now I'm 24. It's just another sign that this next year is going to be awesome and I will be the happiest I have ever been when I turn 25!

Hospital and Coming Home

Hi all! Well its been a few days since surgery, and I am still alive.

The day of surgery, 8/18, went pretty fast. I don't remember much about it, only that I was really nervous before the surgery. Once the surgery was over I woke up in recovery. I actually had to wait in recovery for 4 hours because they didn't have a room ready for me yet. That was the worse part, just laying there in a room full of other people waking up from surgery, making all kinds of noises and yelling and stuff.

Once I finally got up to my room I was so freaking tired, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I finally dozed off for a little while. I had a pain pump, and that was awesome! I pushed the hell out of that thing the whole time I was in the hospital. I did get nauseous a few times and they had to give me phenegrin, but I didn't ever throw up while in the hospital.

I got discharged on Thursday at 3 p.m. and headed home with my Hubby and mom. The hour drive was pretty rough on my belly, but I made it ok. The first night in bed was straight up awful, I'm not even gonna lie. It hurt so bad to lay flat on my back, so we had to get every pillow in the house to prop me up.

I hoping the next few days will continue to get better as time progresses!

Pre-Op Testing - Appointment

Yesterday I had my pre-op appointment at the hospital where they took my blood and I had an Upper GI. the nurse got my vein on the first stick, so I was super happy about that. I have always had a horrible time with nurses drawing my blood.

After the blood work I had to go to Radiology, and boy was it packed!!! I had to wait quite a while, and I was sooooo thirsty. I wasn't really hungry, but I had a case of cotton mouth like you wouldn't believe. So I patiently waited for what seemed like forever, until this cute x-ray technician, Randy, called me back. I was thinking "Great, out of all these old women nurses, I get the ONE FREAKING GUY that just happens to be pretty cute. FML!"

So he gets me back to the room, and asks me if I have on a bra, while looking at my tata's. Uh HELLO! You think these big ol' things just sit here on their own? So I answer him, a bit sheepishly, and he tells me I need to take it and my shirt off and hang them on a hanger and put on this 3 arm hole gown. So I do, and go out there. The Radiologist comes in and gets started. I was all over the table, tossing and turning like a beached whale, and my gown comes open/off, exposing my back fat and my side boob. OMG it was SOOOO embarrassing! I could have died right then.

But anyway, after everything was finally done, my mom and I went to Walmart to purchase me all of my post-op stuff I may need, as well as trying to find some "loose fitting clothing" for me when leaving the hospital. I got almost everything I need, except for a few cold/frozen items and some Isopure. I was going to get a bottle and try it for the first day or so after surgery, when I can only have clear liquids since I need 40g protein a day. I'll have to pick those up at the local GNC this week.




I can't believe that it is really this close! 8 Days!!!!

Pre-Op Testing - Scheduling

When I was approved for surgery and setup a date with the nurse I was told I would be hearing from pre-op testing to setup my Upper GI, bloodwork, and other tests. So I have been patiently waiting for them to call me for almost 2 weeks now. Finally I got tired of it and said screw it, I'm calling someone!

After talking to about 7 different people, who all kept transferring me to another person (I swear I talked to every department at the hospital) I finally just called the nurse back and told her I was getting the run-around. She gave me the direct number for Pre Testing and told me to call them.

So I did. I finally got a hold of a girl, and we got my appointment scheduled!! Its for August 9th.

I guess if you want something done, you've gotta do it yourself!

My Bucket List (work in progress)

My total outlook on life has changed since finally realizing that I am going to be having surgery. I've told y'all before that I am a pessimist, so I didn't really ever believe whole-heartily that I was going to have the surgery. I just knew something was going to go wrong. Now that I know for sure, 100% I am going to have it, my attitude has came full-circle, and I feel wonderful!

First thing I wanted to do, that I've said that I'm going to do for a while, was create a Bucket List. Speaking of, has anyone saw that movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman? It is AMAZEBALLS! I totally recommend it. Anyway, I've had in my head things that I want to do, but I thought I would make it official, then of course share with my peeps on Blogger! :)

Needless to say, it is a work in progress, but here is what I have so far:

1. Weigh less than 200lbs.
   
2. Go to a UT Volunteer's football game. (I LOVE football and represent my home team, but have never seen them play in person. I've been told from my friends that the stadium seats are rather small and therefore uncomfortable for a larger person.)
   
3. Go to a concert. I have NEVER been to a concert in my entire life. EVER.
   
4. Ride the go-carts in Pigeon Forge again. Its literally been 3 years since I could fit into one.
   
5. Ride a Jet Ski. Again, will be a 1st for me.
   
6. Have a child/children.
   
7. Tube/Raft down Little Pigeon River.
   
8. Be pulled on a tube behind the boat.
   
9. Go on a cruise. (Libby I'm waiting on you, lol)
   
10. Fly on an airplane.
    
11. Ride in a limo. Will be my 1st time ever.
    
12. Enjoy roller coasters again. Its been TOO LONG, my friends.
    
13. See Niagara Falls.
    
14. Go to Universal Studios & Islands of Adventure.
    
15. Walk to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

Granted, some of them don't necessarily have anything to do with weight loss, but they are still milestones in my life that I can't wait to experience. What about you, what are some of your "Bucket List" items?

Surgery Date!!

I just got off the phone with the doctor's office and my surgery has been scheduled for August 18, 2010!

I am so excited!!!

IM APPROVED!!!!

Ok, so I am REALLY bad about not opening our mail. I know I shouldn't be, but I get tired of always opening bills, so I usually put it off until I absolutly have to. So an unopened stack of mail as been on our counter since Friday, just looming. Ryan decided to open the mail last night at 10:30, before we went to bed. He threw me a couple of envelopes that had my name on it. Oh goody! Just what I wanted right before bedtime - to be stressed by bills!!!

So I open the first one, which is a bill from the insurance for Ryan's joyous ambulance ride on 7/3. Yay! Then I go in for bill #2, also from UHC, and begin reading it. The first line was something about "Sleeve Gasterectomy for Amy Adams" and I just stopped. I couldn't do it. What if it said no? What if I waited all this time and got my hopes up and told family & friends for nothing?? So I did what any sane person would do - made my husband read it to me! LOL

Long story short - I AM APPROVED!!!

OMG I am SO happy. I just started screaming "Are you serious!?!?" over and over. I was crying and laughing at the same time. My poor doggie Buster didn't know what to think! I grabbed him up and me and the hubby just embraced each other for like 15mins. It was awesome. Then we went to bed and ended up staying up (in the bed) until after 12 just talking about how awesome the next year is going to be.

This past Friday we got dressed up and headed to Red Lobster, cause he was feeling better now that his drain tube is out and wanted him some crab legs. I took that opportunity to go ahead and get my "before" pics out of the way. My current weight is 317lbs.

PS: I hadn't noticed how long my hair has gotten. Its about time for another donation to Locks of Love!

PPS: I really am vertically challenged, and since Ryan is 5'11" and I am 5'4", the angle of the pics REALLY do not help me at all.

Impalement & postponement of surgery

**WARNING - THIS BLOG ENTRY IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH**

Well, where do I begin. This weekend was absolutely horrible!!! I ended my last blog with the intention of having one last balls-to-the-wall weekend, but ended up spending a day in the hospital with the hubby and the rest of it desperately trying to catch up on rest as well as take care of him.

I guess I will start from the beginning. Shortly after my post on Friday about Jack Daniels I got a text from my future SIL Chelsie saying she finally got a job. Great! Then she told me it was from 3-11pm Friday thru Monday. WTF?! So basically I will hardly ever see her anymore, and our plans for the weekend were shot to hell. So I was pretty bummed, but just figured I could see her when she got off work and before she went in. So that was the first thing to "go wrong" this weekend. Little did I know Chelsie's work schedule would become the least of my worries.

Saturday morning my mom and I planned to go pillow shopping for her new couch. She was suppose to meet me at the house at 10am and we go to town from there. Well, I woke up at 9am to get ready, and the effing power was off. So I sat for 1 1/2hrs and just stared at the clock. I was SO PISSED!!! I hate when my time gets wasted, so I was pretty angry with the power company. During this time Ryan, who could find something to do in a tornado, decided to go outside and move some brush and dirt around in the back yard with a bobcat.

Well it finally came back on at 10:30 so I called my mom and told her, because it takes 30mins for her to get to my house, then I jumped in the shower. I had gotten dressed, put my makeup on, and dried my hair, and was fixing to put some clothes in the dryer, when the house phone rings. I looked at the caller id and it was Ryan, so I figured he wanted something to drink or something. I answered it and all he said was "Honey, call an ambulance or helicopter or something. I've lost a lot of blood. Bring a towel, I need you." (in a high pitched voice). So I tear out of the house with the phone in one hand and towel in the other and meet him at our building/shop outside. He had impaled himself with a tree branch on the bobcat and now had a gaping wound in his right knee with blood everywhere. So i immediately go into protective mode and started trying to clot the blood while talking to the 911 operator.

The ambulance got there FINALLY after 20 mins. My mom got there when everything was going down, as well as Ryan's dad, step-dad, papaw, and brother. They loaded me up in the front of the ambulance and Ryan in the back and transported us to the hospital. Once at the hospital they evaluated him and said he needed to go into surgery to see if his kneecap was still in align as well as the ligaments and muscles and to remove some splintered off pieces of wood and bark inside his leg. The branch was about 3 inches in diameter and went in and up towards his thigh about 5-6 inches. They had to put a drain tube in him, and stapled and stitched him up. They put his leg in an immobilizer cast and told him he couldn't put any weight on it. He had to undergo crutch training as well. They finally released us at 10:30pm on Saturday. I had to wait for an hour at Walgreens to get his pain medicine filled. We finally got home at around 12am on the 4th of July. It was after 1am before we got settled in and drifted off to sleep, only to wake up every 2-4 hours to either pee or take his medicine.

So, since Sunday he has been hardly moving around, mostly staying in bed. He is pitiful, and I know he is in so much pain. I feel so bad for him. I have been waiting on him hand and foot, making sure he is getting in his fluids and eating enough food. We were suppose to go to my parents on Sunday for a cookout, but they decided to come to our house. We invited Ryan's mom, brother, step-dad, and papaw over and had a multi-family dinner. It was so much fun. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family as well as in-law family. I love them so much!

So the events of the weekend have lead me to rehash my surgery. I am still 100% committed to getting surgery, but I feel that right now would not be the best time to have it, since Ryan is basically helpless. I don't want to put stress on him to take care of me when he can't take care of himself. Hopefully he will be off crutches soon. I am still going to continue with my appointments and stuff. Hopefully in a month he will be in better health.

So I end my post with some pretty gnarly pictures of his leg and one of the splinters - complete with horse hair on the end- as well as what it looks like stitched and stapled up, for your viewing pleasure.

To Jack Daniels... Farewell My Friend

Well not much has changed on the surgery front. I am waiting to hear back from the surgeon's office on what is going on with my insurance approval. Unfortunately the lady over the claim is off until Tuesday July 6th. I honestly think that my surgery will be either the 3rd or 4th week of July, but at this point it is just speculation.

On the home front I have been a very BAD girl. I mean VERY BAD. Well this past weekend was the hubby's birthday so we went to Hooters, along with his brother and girlfriend, whom I adore. Us girls are so perfect together. It's great having that "sisterly" feeling, being as I only have 1 brother. Anyway, after Hooters we decided to go back to our house and the boys were going to play PlayStation and Chelsie and were going to get our drink on. Sounds like a good idea, two chicks having a great time in the comfort of their own home (dang that sounds dirty) right? Well turns out I was completely unaware of the repercussions of "having a few."

I GAINED 4 POUNDS THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!

Yeah, you read right. I gained 4lbs as a result of eating out at Hooters and drinking 1/2 a bottle (yes, I drink it straight) of Jack Daniels whiskey. I am extremely ashamed of my actions. I haven't been exercising, but hanging out with Chelsie non-stop. I know everything is my fault, but I just haven't had the energy or self esteem to go out recently and now that someone wants me around I just went crazy. I know I need to set boundaries between relationships and exercise & healthy eating, but if this is what happens anytime I "let loose" then I never want to let loose again! 4lbs in a week is pretty freaking crazy. Although I am not the only one that gained. Chelsie said she gained 5lbs, but she also went through a pound of bacon in one week! Girl loves some bacon! lol

So for now I guess I am bidding farewell to my good friend Mr. Daniels.

I sure am going to miss him, but sometimes you have to let go of something you love to better yourself.

Who knows, I may have to give him another "kiss" this weekend, after all it IS Independence Day weekend. ;-)

What happens now?

Well I completed my classes last week (see previous post) so now I don't really know what I'm suppose to be waiting on; I guess for my ship to come in, LOL.

In all seriousness, I called the surgeon's office and asked them if I had any more requirements that I needed scheduled and what happens now. I specifically asked about a sleep test and an endoscopy. She said I didn't have to take either of those! YAY! Im SO glad! I was worried about the sleep test because I do NOT want to be on a CPAP machine. I can't even stand to put the hubby's on my face with it off, much less with it on and blowing that air in my face. I have anxiety attacks when air blows in my face, like from a car air conditioner.

So basically they are going to get all my paperwork together and submit it for approval. I'm thinking I am going to try to get a surgery date in late July or the first week of August. My schedule is just SO busy in July with so many birthday parties and family things. My birthday is August 28th, so I really wanted to be out of the liquid stages at my birthday, but IDK how that will turn out. What a way to celebrate turning 24 though! It will probably be one of the *best* birthdays I have ever had.

Off topic, I just finished organizing my brand-spanking-new coupon organizer. I have really gotten into coupon clipping thanks to my wonderful friend (Paula). She found these coupon organizers online. I got a purple one and she got a hot pink one. They are so cute and functional! It is my new favorite thing.



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Appointment Update

So it's been a while since I posted last, mostly because I haven't had anything of value to talk about. My psychiatrist and nutrition appointment were on Monday and Tuesday. Those were a trip!

The psychiatrist was... interesting. I had no idea what to expect because I have never been counseled, but I really enjoyed the visit. He did make me cry though when he asked me about my family, specifically my grandmother. I just broke down because I miss her so much. She passed away on June 6th 2006. Asking me about her a week after the anniversary of her passing was not a good idea, lol! Regardless of my "breakdown" he still said that he believed I was a good candidate for surgery. YAY!!!

I wish I could say the nutritional class was helpful, but sadly it was a total waste of time! I don't know if it is because I have pretty much already educated myself or because of the lack of information and "goodies" that I received. The nutritional class was broken down into 4 sections: emotional perspectives, what to expect during the hospital stay, Chaplin session, and dietitian.

I really enjoyed the first two sections. The emotional perspectives was conducted by my psychiatrist then one of the RN's from the bariatric wing came in and told us what happens on the day of surgery and the days following it. I was glad to finally get some clarification about that, because that is one thing that I did not know about because it varies from hospital to hospital.

After the RN, a Chaplin came in to talk to us. The hospital that I am having surgery at is Catholic-based, and they require a Chaplin session. It was a bit awkward, seeing as though I am not Catholic and didn't feel comfortable with the scenario. Finally, it was the dietitian's turn. She started off by informing me (the only Sleeve patient out of the whole 3 people in the class) that she only had information for the RNY. WTF?? I am required to sit through (and pay for) this and listen about a procedure that I am in no way interested in? Talk about feeling ripped off! I guess she saw the disappointment in my face so she corrected her statement to say, "But most of the items that I will discuss are the same for the VSG." Uh, no they aren't! I am pretty sure that re-routing your intestines and cutting out a portion of your "already there" stomach are two totally different things!! I did pay attention to after surgery and the different phases of food, leading up to regular foods. So I guess my time with her was 50/50.

Like I said, I was a bit disappointed about the lack of goodies. I was really hoping to receive either some protein drinks or samples or SOMETHING!!! All they gave us was a measly 32oz Memorial Hospital water bottle. And it is ugly.

So I am glad to have these two appointments behind me, but I don't really know what is suppose to happen now. I guess just wait and see if Dr. Rutledge's office contacts me within the next week. I have my monthly follow-up appt with my PCP tomorrow. We are going to discuss my blood work and he is going to write a letter of medical necessity. Hopefully I will have some good news within the next few weeks!

OMG this is really happening!

I have to admit I am a pessimist. I rarely ever see the glass as half full, and I am quick to assume the worst in most scenarios. I have been skeptical that I would even be able to have this surgery from the get-go, thinking that I will never receive this wonderful gift of surgery. But I have to admit that slowly, very slowly, I am starting to come around. I am starting to see the good in everything that happens, versus the bad. It has really changed my outlook on life. I feel more like the "old Amy" that I was when my hubby and I met - and I love it!

Well on Friday I went to my newly established PCP and he was delighted to hear about my WLS, which put me at ease, because my previous PCP was an asshole. He said he would be more than happy to write me a letter, but needed to get to know more about me first (which I liked) and ordered that I have my blood work done. He said that if I have high cholesterol then he can put it in my letter, along with my risk factors for developing diabetes, which I am assuming are pretty freaking high right now. When the appointment was over, I went to check out and make my follow up appointments for the lab work consultation and to get my letter. Well, I go tomorrow to get my blood drawn, but I have to wait until late June to get my letter and see what was in my labs. I have to admit, my old pessimistic ways started creeping back up and I was getting frustrated. I calmly explained to the receptionist that I was trying to coordinate a WLS into my schedule and if I could get in any earlier I would appreciate it, so she put me down for June 17th. Not great, but not bad either. I'll take it and be happy about it.

Not much happened over the weekend, just cleaned and watched movies (along with my exercising). Sunday night right when I was going to lay down for the night Ryan sliced a huge chunk of skin from his right index finger, up close to the nail. Having the husband that I have, I always keep a supply of first aid supplies on hand, because you just never know what he will do next. So I cleaned his wounds and gauzed him up (I have always been pretty good w/ medical and first aid) then tried to lay back down, but I had so much adrenaline from the rush of his injury that I just tossed and turned all night! I finally was able to go to bed around 2ish, only to wake up at 6:15. Ugh.

This week is a 4 day work week, then a 4 day weekend, and another 4 day work week, so YAY! That news gives me something to look forward to and keep pushing through, even though I am wore-smack-out. Also, I got a call today from a Karen at Memorial Hospital (where I am having my surgery) wanting to set up some appointments with me. I was in shock! I got through the phone call, but as soon as she hung up I felt like I could bounce off the freaking walls! OMG this is really happening! I am really moving along, completing my requirements like they are nothing. The feeling of accomplishment is so grand. I just love it.

I ended up setting up my psychiatric evaluation along with my nutritional class. My psych eval is on June 14th, and class is on June 15th. The class is a 1/2 day class from 8a-11a. I am so excited. I just can't wait!

Life Lessons 101: Follow-Through and PCP

Life lesson number 1: follow-through. If there is one thing I have learned during my short time as an adult and being responsible for my safety and well-being, it is to follow through. I cannot stress how important it is for anyone no matter the situation. Take my experience today, for example.

After 8 agonizing days of waiting to hear from the surgeon's office on what UHC says about my coverage and requirements for surgery, I decided to call them. I really was hoping they would call me because I didn't want to seem like a "pusher" but I broke down and gave them a ring. I'm so glad I did because of course they were needing information from me and hadn't called yet to get it. No telling when/if they had it on their schedule anyway!

I talked to Nurse Judy, Dr. Rutledge's main RN. She got my file and verified that they had contacted UHC for my requirements. They are:

• At least 1 co-morbidity
• BMI of 35+ w/ 2 co-morbidities or BMI of 40+
• 5 years medical history
• Letter of necessity

Pretty simple, right? WRONG! I have only been an adult for 5 years, and I NEVER go to a doctor, unless I'm dying, then its off to the ER. The only doctor I have seen since 2005 is my OBGYN, and that's only been once a year since 2005. IDK if it will suffice. If it doesn't I guess I am going to have to call the local hospital and get my ER records. My history is going to be so blotchy and pieced together the UHC people are going to laugh their asses off!

Life lesson number 2: establish a primary care physician early and visit them on a regular basis. I always thought, oh I'm not sick, I don't need a doctor. That statement couldn't be more wrong, as noted in my woes above.

Anyway, as I was following through with Judy about my requirements I asked her for the 3rd time about a pre-op diet. I received the same answer, which frustrates me, 'I'm not sure. It's usually standard practice for UHC patients to go on a diet, so I'm going to say 'yes.'" I explained to her for the 3rd time that I had already called UHC and specifically asked them and they told me 'no' but I wanted the doctors office (i.e. THEM) to verify it with UHC. Why is that so hard? Its a simple question with a simple answer. I'm starting to get worried that my current records will not work and that IF i do have to do this stupid diet, I need to get started on it because I am wasting time!!

I ended the call feeling more shaky and nervous than before I called. I guess I am just in the freak-out stage right now, because everything that happens seems to freak me out more and more. I'm going to quote one of my favorite characters, Donkey from Shrek, "I'm a donkey on the edge!!!" I think I need to just calm down and let things happen the way they are supposed to happen. I've been trying really hard not to get stressed out and anxious over everything. When I stress and have anxiety, my mouth turns into a bottomless pit. I start eating to distract myself. I have got to keep my chin up and be calm!

Just be kewl.

A bad weekend and 1st surgeon meeting

Wow, so what an eventful 5 or so days. Where do I begin...... well I'll start with the weekend. This weekend was HORRIBLE!!! I haven't been as sick as I was on Sunday in a a LOOOONG time. I was dizzy, nauseous, throwing up, freezing, burning up, headache, & couldn't swallow or hardly talk because my throat was hurting so bad. It was BRUTAL! I vomited until there was nothing left in me to vomit. It was violent.

All this could not come at a worse time, because Monday was my appt with the surgeon. I had planned on taking a 1/2 day at work then going to see him, but given my condition and how weak I was, I decided to forgo the whole day. At 12 I decided to go to the walk in clinic to get some antibiotics in me. I thought I was planning good because my appt with the surgeon was at 3:30, about 30 mins away. We were at the doctors office until 3, so I called to let them know I would be a few mins late. I didn't figure it would matter anyway right? Doctors are late for their appointments all the time. Well Miss Receptionist tells me if I'm not there by 3:45 then I need to call and reschedule. I was pissed off. Here I am sick as a DOG, trying to hurry and rush around, not having ate (and kept down) a complete meal since Saturday, and she's telling me I need to reschedule. Aw Hell No. I told her I would be there, and we took off. Thank God my husband is a seasoned Dirt Track race car driver or else we probably wouldn't have made it.

We get to the office at 3:35. Take that Miss Receptionist!!! Guess what? We end up waiting in the lobby until 4:30. I told you. Doctors are always late. I shouldn't have even called down there. I've learned my lesson for next time. When we are finally called back, I am nervous. Or maybe its the illness. IDK, but I'm not feeling good either way. I just want this to be over. He drops a bomb on me, that he thinks I should go with the Bypass, because of my BMI being 57. WTF, it was 54.9 a month ago. I have actually lost weight since I hadn't been eating. Whatever.

So he goes on to tell me about RNY. I never wanted the bypass, and I wasn't too hot about him suggesting it either. It was almost like he was trying to change my mind. When he saw that I wasn't changing my mind he told me about the Sleeve. Turns out he has done about 80 sleeves, and 800 RNYs. His leak rate is 1% and he has never had a death as a result of surgery. Those numbers made me feel a bit better, but I am concerned about the 80 sleeves. I know 1 of his sleeves, and she said she had "trouble," but wouldn't elaborate. I wouldn't put it past her to be jealous about sharing her WLS spotlight and trying to thwart me, so I'm taking her opinion with a grain of salt.


I left the office with a list of things to do and places to visit. I was told that I need to lose at least 20lbs by surgery date (which is TBA). He said he didn't care how I did it, he just needed some room in there to move around. He suggested a White Trash diet, which is basically if it is white and not a meat, throw it away. Pretty simple and easy to remember. Once I get feeling better I plan on starting it. The nurse is going to contact UHC and see what all my requirements are. She said I have to do a pre-op diet, as designated from UHC, but when I contacted them they told me I didn't. If I do end up having to, I believe my 6-8 month long appts with a dietitian will qualify me. The surgeon said that he isn't available until mid-June for a surgery date, so I know I wont be having anything done until probably around July. Which is fine. I can live with that.

I know that May is going to be very busy, as I have a lot of things to get done and a lot of doctors to see.

Preparing for Post-Op life

Yesterday I set out on a mission to find my Mom something for Mother's Day. I would like to point out that she is the worlds hardest person to buy for. I'm not exaggerating. I went to Bed, Bath, & Beyond and found two things she MAY like, but knowing her she will never use them. One was the "Shake Weight." It looks retarded but it just might be something she likes. She's always complaining about her arms being flabby. The other thing I found was a solar powered flower that you can put in a flower bed. I thought she may like it, but I'm not sure. I am also trying to help my brother find her something, because he sucks at giving gifts. Talk about pressure! Two gifts for a person who doesn't need anything!

So I went on to TJ Maxx, and ended up buying a present for my Dad for Fathers Day! So I can check that off the list. I didn't find anything at TJ Maxx for her either, but I DID get myself a little treat. For some reason I always seem to gravitate over to the baby section. When I was over there looking and wishing about the fetus I don't have, I found Gerber Graduates utensil and plate set for $5. It is so freakin' cute! I read on one of Obesity Help's forums that post-ops suggested a toddler plate and utensil set, to help my brain with portion sizes.



I am really excited about my cute little plate. When I was paying for it I was thinking how funny it would be if I told the guy that the plate was for me. I'm sure I would have gotten a funny look from him & he think I'm some kind of freak. LOL!

Changed the name of my blog

So, I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to change the name of my blog from 'Underneath It All' to "To Be Fat Like Me."

Im sorta random like that.

Weekend Update

This weekend was pretty eventful. Friday evening my coworker/friend Paula and I went to O'Charley's for her "Graduette Party," because this weekend she will be graduating from Comm. College, and off to a University. We got a drink called the Cotton Candy Cosmo, and it was so freakin' cool! They bring pink cotton candy to you in a martini glass, along with the mixed drink in one of those shaker thingys (idk the correct name) and pour it on the cotton candy at your table, and you can watch it melt down. The result is a fruity pink drink! You even get to keep the shaker-thing WITH THE RECIPE FOR THE CCC ON IT!!! After we finished that up, we each got a margarita (my fav) along with our meal. It was so much fun. I am going to miss my margaritas. :( Oh well, I'd take skinny and healthy any day over a margarita!



Also, Ryan's little sister (she's 7) spent the weekend with us. She stayed with us Friday night, Saturday night, and left Sunday morning. When she stays with us I like to take her places and spend time playing with her. We usually go to the park, but since this weekend has been full of thunderstorm warnings and flood watches, we stayed indoors for the most part. Saturday afternoon I needed to run into town and pick up a few things at the local Wally World, so Brandi and I grabbed lunch at Chili's (the hubby was at an estate auction with their dad). After Chili's we went into Wal-Mart and I ended up buying her a baby doll. I know, I spoil her BIG TIME.

When we got home, her dad called and said that she could stay Saturday night, so she was ecstatic. She loves staying with her big bubba and sissy. I didn't have anything thawed for supper, and Ryan happened to be craving a Prime Rib. So, we ended up going to Logans Roadhouse. She likes going there because she can throw the peanut shells on the floor and not get in trouble. Kids, they get excited over the simple stuff.

I was glad to get all these restaurants in, because they will pretty much cease after my surgery. Honestly I am a little bummed about it, but at the same time I am ready and willing to give them up for a chance at a new "life."

As great as Friday and Saturday were, Sunday was twice as worse. Basically our TV has started messing up, so we are either going to have to bring the small TV into the living room, or get a new one. Like we can afford that! We are trying to save up to cover the 10-20% that the insurance won't cover for my surgery. So that is a major bummer; I love my TV.

Even though the TV is causing the top left to be a funny picture/color, I still managed to watch a really good movie on Sunday. It was called "To Be Fat Like Me" starring Kaley Cuoco and it was AMAZING!!! I just sat and cried and cried, but I'm a big baby anyway. Basically it's about this pretty jock who goes undercover as a fat girl for a documentary about obese people. She befriends another 'fatty' who opens up to her about what its like being overweight and it really hit home with me. I really loved it. I totally recommend it.

Not only is my TV dying, I'm pretty sure one of my five rabbits is dying too. Her name is Dottie & she is white with grey spots (original name, huh?) and it looks like she has been bitten or cut. IDK what to do for her. They just hop around in the yard, so I can't catch her to doctor her. I'm going to try to catch her with a net today after work and keep her in a box or cage or something for a few days and put some ointment on her. I don't want her to suffer, but I'm not a rabbit doctor either.

Next Monday is my Dr. appointment! Yay!!! I can't WAIT for this week to be over!

Appointment Shuffling

So yesterday when I got home from work I had a message on my answering machine from Dr. Rutledge's office saying they needed to cancel my appointment, and reschedule. WHAT?! I was so sad because I just KNEW I was going to have to wait twice as long now. Heck, my initial appointment wait period was 31 days from the day of the seminar. So I moped all night last night, with a feeling of lead in my stomach.

This morning I anxiously waited until 9am to call the office and reschedule, hoping the sooner I call the sooner they can get me in. Turns out my new appointment is 3 days earlier than the previous one! YAY! So my new date is 5/10.

On a side note, Ryan and I finally planted the 3 lilac trees I bought (spontaneously) the other day. I hope the dogs don't pee on them and kill them. I need to get some stakes to tie them up, that way when it storms or we have "Windsdays" they wont blow over and break off. I'm so excited that we are finally able to make our place more like home!

Dreams and Reality

A couple of interesting things happened this weekend. I had a crazy-ass dream about WLS, and I told my BFF (we've been friends for 19yrs) about my decision.

First off I want to talk about my dream, while it is still fresh in my mind. Basically it was 5/13, the day of my appt with the doctor. The hubby and I went to his office, where I changed into one of those annoying hospital gowns. The doc wanted to see my stomach, but I am self-conscious and didn't want to show him my "fat rolls." He said "Relax, I will be seeing much more of you in a few hours." My husband, being a comedian said, "Funny, that's what I said to her the first time I met her." LOL he is so funny, even in my dreams. Anyway, he takes my blood and other things, then looks at my chart and is like, "Ok, you are clear for surgery. You ready to be sliced open?" and I was like "Whaaaa?" but went along with it.

He gives us directions to the hospital (like I didn't know where it was) and tells us to meet him there in 15 mins. The whole way there I was freaking out, because I hadn't even told my parents about my desire to have surgery, much less that I was fixing to have it. We get to the hospital and wait out in the parking lot for the doctor and nurse for like 1/2 an hr. Then we went into the lobby, where the receptionist told us we were too late, and that he had already taken another patient to surgery. She said we had to wait til he was finished with them. So we waited like an hour, when I decided to call my parents and let them know. They rushed to the hospital, and were so happy for me. Shortly after they got there, I was taken back for surgery.

A few hours after surgery, I was released. I was feeling GOOD! I didn't want any pain medicine, and I was walking around like normal and acting like nothing happened. We left the hospital and went straight to a birthday party. I became very paranoid because I wasn't supposed to be eating any solids, but I couldn't pass up cake, everyone would know something was up. So I ate cake, just a little bite. Later on, I started having horrible pain in my stomach, and I was wishing I had taken the pills. Apparently I was squirming so much in my sleep that I actually woke myself up. When I woke up, I laid there looking at the ceiling like, WTF just happened?!

Ok, back to reality. Sunday afternoon I invited my BFF, Amber, to the local Mexican restaurant, determined that the dream was a sign that I didn't need to keep this inside, but to express my desires with my close friends/family. I started off the conversation very casual, talking about the wonderful cheese dip. As I drew nearer to my lines, my hands began to get sweaty and I felt like I was going to crap everywhere (TMI, I know). I had rehearsed this 20 times in my head on the way to the restaurant, but I just couldn't form the words. Finally, I took a deep breath and just said it. "I’m going to have my stomach stapled." She just looked at me, mouth gaped, with a chip halfway in salsa, and said, "What?!? Why?!?!" (keep in mind she has the body of a model. 5'8, slim, dark skinned, long brown hair) I told her my reasons and she seemed to understand. She knows about my struggle with weight, and how I get depressed every time we go shopping, scratch that, SHE goes shopping while I watch her purse. I told her afterwards she was going to have to hold my purse while I shopped, or we could leave our purses in the car! LOL

A pic of me and Amber in 1st grade:


Best Friends really are forever.

Lets Begin, Shall We?

So today I decided to start a blog. Not just any blog, but one that will chronicle my life, as I am about to make some drastic changes to it. But before we get to that, how about some background information?

By glancing around, you have probably figured out that my name is Amy, and I am in my 20's. Good job! I grew up in a small community in East Tennessee, out in the country. I have never in my life lived in the city, and never plan to. (unless one day my future children move me into a nursing home; then I will have no choice) I have one younger brother, Andy.

I now live about 30 minutes south of where I grew up, with my husband (Ryan) and two dogs (Buster and Hershey). I have been married since October 2006. Has it been tough? Hell yes. Have I wanted to give up? Hell yes. Do I regret marrying him? Absolutely not. I love him with all my heart and I cannot wait until we can grow old together. We constantly talk about starting a family (apart from Buster and Hershey) and have so many plans for our future.


Buster, being Groovy


Hershey



Ah, the future. That my friends, is why I started this blog. See, I am overweight; overweight to the point of it affecting my relationships as well as the plans for our future. I want to get out and do things, I want to be a mommy, I want to live past 50. Unfortunately, I have been overweight pretty much my whole life. I remember being in the 5Th grade and wearing a women's size 12/14. I have been made fun of, passed over for dances/prom, left out of shopping trips, judged, AND I AM TIRED OF IT! I am ready to be the Amy I have always wanted to be. So, I have decided to have weight loss surgery.

Weight loss surgery is my only ticket to a "normal" life. I have tried multiple diets (hell, I have even been hypnotized) and nothing works long term. I ALWAYS gain it back. I know there are some skeptics out there about WLS, but ya know what? I don't give a flyin' flip. I have researched this through and through and I know what is best for me. I have talked to people who have had surgery, and I see that sparkle in their eyes, and I can't help but want it. Maybe it is selfish for me to go cutting and messing with my body to alter my appearance, but its more than that. I need to alter my appearance so I can truly enjoy and prolong my life.

I have chosen to have the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy procedure. It seems to be the best one for me. I have thought about the Lap Band as well. I know two people who have had WLS, one had Lap Band and the other had the VSG. I have talked to them both, and compared Pros & Cons, which led me to my choice. I have also discussed my options and chance of success with each surgery (Band, RNY, VSG, DS) which also helped me to decide.

As you can see, my blog will be mostly about my journey with WLS. Not to say I won't throw in some personal drama here and there!